355:2 -- The Princess Wednesday
An adventuring party goes to investigate some ruins and meets some terrible things, like pathetic whiny tiny elves and a dancing polar bear. After killing a necromancer and its horrible bone constructs, the adventurers return to Whitmouth, where everyone else assumes they just went out into the countryside and smoked some particularly odd halfling pipeleaf. Notable lore * Small elves have been introduced. Unfortunately. * There is now a boat called The Princess Wednesday. Notable loot * Orb of warmth * A crown Magpie II's report Magpie walks proudly into Wyvern's rest, a piece of paper clutched in his hand. Despite the aura of heat, the paper does not appear to be singed in any way. You notice Magpie's smile looks far better, as it appears his face is now covered in a film of molten gold which allows him finer movement. He pins the paper to the wall and immediately leaves. If you choose to read it, this is what the paper says: "Hello friends! I just got back from an adventure in the far south of the continent with my friends Miller, Zendri, Arthur and Aldara. It was really fun. We managed to hire a boat that Arthur called "The Princess Wednesday". It was pretty scummy and nearly falling apart but it was stil nice to be allowed on a boat. (My petrified wood has been very helpful, thank you Hedwig!) We soon arrived at our destination, which was apparently an ancient elven ruin. We saw some crumbling walls and a dancing polar bear. I said it was the most wonderful thing I'd ever seen and went to try and dance with it but it got mad and said we had to go away but it didn't say why which made me angry until I saw it was enchanted. Then some orc raiders came and interrupted our conversation so I threw lava at one then grabbed his head. It went all squishy in my fingers. Yuck! While I was shaking the molten orc gunk off I saw Arthur being kicked in the testicles by an orc with two knives sticking out of its neck. I thought it was very funny. Miller thought it was very funny too. Arthur used his sword to stab the enchantment out of the polar bear which turned into a tiny elf (I found it hard to hide my disappointment.) His name was Omadar and he was a "small elf". He had been under the control of an evil small elven wizard called Zodar. There was a warm patch on the ground with no snow that Omadar told us was from the "Orb of Warmth" that kept his people warm. Zendri picked him up and we went to visit his home underground. We opened the big door but more orcs came just as we were shutting it. They reached their fingers through and I burned them which was funny because you shouldn't put your fingers whereyou can't see. We were able to shut the door properly when their fingers fell off. There were some traps but we got around them with Miller and Omadar's help. We met two more very untrusting small elves who eventually decided to take us to the village. We met up with another patrol and they were suspicious too but Omadar said we were ok. We were nearly in the village when we noticed that Arthur and Miller weren't with us anymore. They'd gone looking for the orb! We rushed back and I called out to a blonde small elf I'd been talking to but he cried and ran away. I decided that he wasn't my friend. We got to the orb and found a little fat elf who had pooed himself and an exasperated looking Arthur and Miller. He hadn't wanted to trade and we had to go to the chief. The chief was annoying and I didn't like him much. He wouldn't come down to talk to us so I broke his house then he did. We told him we wanted to help with Zodar but he didn't want us to go through the barricade they had constructed to keep the evil wizard out. Zendri went to break down the barricade but all the small elves surrounded him with spears so I did it instead. Zendri threw the chief in the river and we went to kill Zodar. There were some zombie small elves that we went past and came across some kind of rhinoceros made of bones and bits of skin that was charging us. Arthur swung over it on a rope, grabbing me and throwing me at it. I lavaballed it from the air and it hit the side of the corridor and started rolling towards Zendri who hit it with his sword and it stopped. It turned and started charging back at us and Miller slid under and knifed it. Then Zendri killed it and we kept going. We came into a cavern that was clearly other side of the village that had been shut off. An undead pterodactyl swooped toward us and I flew at it but it deflected me into a hut. When I emerged, Arthur had knocked a tree down to use as a ramp up to the alcove Zodar was blasting us from. I tackled the pterodactyl into the ceiling and mashed it then went to join them. Zendri was being chased by another rhino but got up the ramp. Zodar made some purple flames appear which Arthur and Miller flipped over, I flew through and Zendri walked through. Zodar used a staff to meld all the bones into a huge ball which he telekinetically held over Aldara who was still in the cavern and who I hadn't seen for ages. I backed away then dived out of the alcove and tackled the ball out of the air as it fell. Then Zendri picked up Zodar by the neck and smushed him in half. We went back to the village only to find the bastards had run off with the orb. We got to the surface and saw a number of dead small elves and a couple of orcs and followed the melted trail left by the orb into the forest. There was a gallows with Omadar, the chief and the blonde elf about to be hanged and a group of orcs drumming. The orb was covered by a cloth on a table next to the orc chief. All of this was around a bonfire. Miller crept around to the right and hid under the gallows while Aldara disappeared again, Miller and Zendri stepped forward and I snuck around the left ready to make a distraction. The orc chief didn't want to give us the orb and the elves so Zendri and Arthur started killing the orcs around them while Miller started sprinting with the orband was confronted by the chief. I flew into the bonfire and threw it at the chief. It was quite messy but fun. The gallows fell over too. I made the orcs run away. Then Zendri got all angry and chased Miller because he wanted the orb but Miller was too fast. Zendri took the small elf chief's crown but accidentally smushed him. Then we let the blonde one run off and offered Omadar a place in Whitmouth but he turned into a polar bear and danced off again. Then we came home. The end. Category:Actual Play Category:Nightmares